So today is my last day in my current job. I feel a bit sad to be leaving it because it's been a nice place to spend three days a week ... and what's not to love about working on a travel magazine? Tomorrow we head off on our own travels and then on my return I start my new role. I thought these years of early parenthood would involve a sliding back of my career ... and they have. But, amazingly, I've now been offered a features editor job - still at three days a week. This for me is a definite step forward and I'm pretty happy about that. I didn't expect to get that opportunity at this time in my life. Then again, it's always funny how things turn out, isn't it?
I possibly won't get a chance to keep this blog up to date while I'm overseas, but I will be back in early May with lots of stories and photos.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
In a week's time...
... we will be in The Mother Country - well, it is for Shaun and I anyway as both of us have Poms as mums. I think it's going to be quite cold there, which is causing me all sorts of packing conundrums. It feels weird to pack swimmers and sandals (hopefully it will be warm enough for us to be able to swim in the Adriatic) alongside woolly jumpers and thick tracksuits.
I am looking forward to staying in this village:
In my optimistic moments I imagine holding Ewan's hand as we stroll down the ancient streets, stopping to admire windowboxes and being warmed by hot chocolate and scones with clotted cream. Or something like that anyway. It will be lovely.
I wonder if I have gone a tad overboard in my preparation for the flight. Shaun and I will have in our hand luggage (along with a few favourite books and a favourite blanket)...
* snacks aplenty (popcorn, rice crackers, cheese, sultanas, sandwiches ... lollies kept to a minimum for I fear what they might do to a child stuck in a confined space)
* two Wiggles colouring and sticker books
* one Mr Men counting book (counting is his latest obsession)
* one Wiggles numbers game (wrapped in Xmas paper to maximise reward value)
* one Old MacDonald counting/sticker book (wrapped in Xmas paper)
* three new kids' books that have been sent into my work by publicists and duly snaffled
* one pack of brand sparkly new Wiggles textas (wrapped in Xmas paper)
* one pack of almost new crayons
* stencils of diggers, spaceship and train
* one book of plain multicoloured paper for drawings
* one packet of little plastic horses (two bucks - so who cares if they end up under the seat)
* one pack of Wiggles match-'em-up cards
* two foam jigsaws (jigsaws are big at the moment)
Right, there's about 5 kilos of our luggage allowance accounted for...!
I am looking forward to staying in this village:
In my optimistic moments I imagine holding Ewan's hand as we stroll down the ancient streets, stopping to admire windowboxes and being warmed by hot chocolate and scones with clotted cream. Or something like that anyway. It will be lovely.
I wonder if I have gone a tad overboard in my preparation for the flight. Shaun and I will have in our hand luggage (along with a few favourite books and a favourite blanket)...
* snacks aplenty (popcorn, rice crackers, cheese, sultanas, sandwiches ... lollies kept to a minimum for I fear what they might do to a child stuck in a confined space)
* two Wiggles colouring and sticker books
* one Mr Men counting book (counting is his latest obsession)
* one Wiggles numbers game (wrapped in Xmas paper to maximise reward value)
* one Old MacDonald counting/sticker book (wrapped in Xmas paper)
* three new kids' books that have been sent into my work by publicists and duly snaffled
* one pack of brand sparkly new Wiggles textas (wrapped in Xmas paper)
* one pack of almost new crayons
* stencils of diggers, spaceship and train
* one book of plain multicoloured paper for drawings
* one packet of little plastic horses (two bucks - so who cares if they end up under the seat)
* one pack of Wiggles match-'em-up cards
* two foam jigsaws (jigsaws are big at the moment)
Right, there's about 5 kilos of our luggage allowance accounted for...!
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Travels
In about 10 days we leave for our holiday here, in this very house:
It's a cottage we're renting in Suffolk and I'm hoping it really is as pretty as it looks. I mean with this as the view from the front room it can't be too bad, can it? Tudor gorgeousness.
After a week there it's off to here: Dubrovnik
And then to here: Budva
Where's Budva? Hey, I'd never heard of it either until recently. It's in Montenegro.
I am quite excited about our holiday ...now, if only I could get over the goddamn sickness I feel at the thought of 27 long, excruciating hours on a plane with a two year old.
Hopefully his behaviour will be better than I think, because, let me tell you, my expectations are LOW...!
It's a cottage we're renting in Suffolk and I'm hoping it really is as pretty as it looks. I mean with this as the view from the front room it can't be too bad, can it? Tudor gorgeousness.
After a week there it's off to here: Dubrovnik
And then to here: Budva
Where's Budva? Hey, I'd never heard of it either until recently. It's in Montenegro.
I am quite excited about our holiday ...now, if only I could get over the goddamn sickness I feel at the thought of 27 long, excruciating hours on a plane with a two year old.
Hopefully his behaviour will be better than I think, because, let me tell you, my expectations are LOW...!
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Art...
I truly love where we live. It's not the most glamorous part of Sydney and, frankly, I wouldn't be interested in living in those parts anyway. I don't even particularly want to live by the beach because imagine taking it for granted or, worse, getting sick of it? And where would you go if you wanted a nice day out on a sunny day?
No, I love our river. OK, it's stinky when the tide is low and it's usually accessorised by a least a dozen floating Coke bottles, but there's just something about it that to me is magical. Because I love it, I see it as beautiful.
Anyway, yesterday afternoon I went off for a walk and discovered a sculpture competition across the road from our house, in the park by the river.
There was this beauty
and this
Someone had fun
Then at 8 o'clock, for Earth Hour, we headed back across to the river, where the path was illuminated by coloured paper lanterns lit by glowsticks. We took a seat and, for the first time since we have lived in the area (three years), observed the river at night. As part of Earth Hour lanterns made from all manner of recycled materials were floated upon the river.
The effect was quite enchanting.
No, I love our river. OK, it's stinky when the tide is low and it's usually accessorised by a least a dozen floating Coke bottles, but there's just something about it that to me is magical. Because I love it, I see it as beautiful.
Anyway, yesterday afternoon I went off for a walk and discovered a sculpture competition across the road from our house, in the park by the river.
There was this beauty
and this
Someone had fun
Then at 8 o'clock, for Earth Hour, we headed back across to the river, where the path was illuminated by coloured paper lanterns lit by glowsticks. We took a seat and, for the first time since we have lived in the area (three years), observed the river at night. As part of Earth Hour lanterns made from all manner of recycled materials were floated upon the river.
The effect was quite enchanting.
Friday, March 28, 2008
It's autumn! It's autumn!
There's a chill in the air here in Sydney ... and I couldn't be happier about it.
Autumn is my favourite time of the year. Always has been.
And given that this year hasn't started well, I'm looking at this entry to my favourite season as a turning point. Things surely must look up from here.
There's something about the softer light that makes me so pleased.
***
On the Easter weekend we took a drive down to Stanwell Park, which is a nice little coastal town just south of Sydney.
We set off for a bushwalk - in the drizzle - and it wasn't long before I turned back, because slipping, sorry I mean walking, in the mud up a hill in the rain is not my idea of a good time.
So I waited in the rain down by the cars while Shaun stoically (stupidly?) "bushwalked". The view from there is quite lovely. It looks a bit like this:
Anyhow - indulge me as I share a second or two of what some might call new-age flakiness - staring out at that view something occurred to me.
You see all the white waves of the breakers? It struck me that those white breakers are like the daily dramas and anxieties of our lives. They're what we take notice of; those breakers command all the attention. The represent "the beach" when the beach is really so much more that than that. Oh yes, those breakers are captivating and dangerous.
Beyond them, from up on the cliff, I could see the swells - softer than the breakers, but swells all the same. They keep crashing in, turning into breakers. A lifetime's worth of worries, all of them out there, ever-present. Just keeping on coming.
And yet if you study the swells you can see that each is surmountable. Each one will turn into a breaker, each will dissipate on the sand.
Then - and here's where I hit upon my revelatory moment - I looked even further out to sea, to the horizon. The swells, they disappear until the water becomes smooth and calm.
Calm.
There's so much of it. Stretching out past the horizon - much, much further than it is possible to comprehend.
So I figure that the old cliche "life's a beach" may not be so far off the mark. Those waves, the niggling daily worries that seem big, they're like a mere grain of sand when they're compared to the vastness of the calm and peace that's within each of us.
I do believe it's infinite and beautiful and soothing.
And that is all I have to say on this matter.
Autumn is my favourite time of the year. Always has been.
And given that this year hasn't started well, I'm looking at this entry to my favourite season as a turning point. Things surely must look up from here.
There's something about the softer light that makes me so pleased.
***
On the Easter weekend we took a drive down to Stanwell Park, which is a nice little coastal town just south of Sydney.
We set off for a bushwalk - in the drizzle - and it wasn't long before I turned back, because slipping, sorry I mean walking, in the mud up a hill in the rain is not my idea of a good time.
So I waited in the rain down by the cars while Shaun stoically (stupidly?) "bushwalked". The view from there is quite lovely. It looks a bit like this:
Anyhow - indulge me as I share a second or two of what some might call new-age flakiness - staring out at that view something occurred to me.
You see all the white waves of the breakers? It struck me that those white breakers are like the daily dramas and anxieties of our lives. They're what we take notice of; those breakers command all the attention. The represent "the beach" when the beach is really so much more that than that. Oh yes, those breakers are captivating and dangerous.
Beyond them, from up on the cliff, I could see the swells - softer than the breakers, but swells all the same. They keep crashing in, turning into breakers. A lifetime's worth of worries, all of them out there, ever-present. Just keeping on coming.
And yet if you study the swells you can see that each is surmountable. Each one will turn into a breaker, each will dissipate on the sand.
Then - and here's where I hit upon my revelatory moment - I looked even further out to sea, to the horizon. The swells, they disappear until the water becomes smooth and calm.
Calm.
There's so much of it. Stretching out past the horizon - much, much further than it is possible to comprehend.
So I figure that the old cliche "life's a beach" may not be so far off the mark. Those waves, the niggling daily worries that seem big, they're like a mere grain of sand when they're compared to the vastness of the calm and peace that's within each of us.
I do believe it's infinite and beautiful and soothing.
And that is all I have to say on this matter.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Indulge the insomniac a moment, if you would
So last night went like this:
* Watched some comedy on TV with lights dimmed to signal to body that it's night.
* Crunched a couple of Scheussler mineral salts for insomnia that the lovely Kim suggested I try. Kim, I do think they helped a great deal, I certainly felt tired before going to bed...
* Took two Valerian tablets
* Felt drowsy at about 10pm so started a 'sleep journal'. I sat in bed and wrote down my anxieties in a notebook then wrote a quick summary of all the positive things in my life. I found this to be a good experience and I turned the light off feeling good about sleeping.
* Talked with Shaun a while.
* Waiting to sleep
* Waiting
* Waiting
* 12.30 listen to meditation on my MP3. Nice, but nothing doing.
* 1am - do as Kim suggested and get up and watch 1/2hr of a DVD
* Become overwhelmed with frustration and take a melatonin tablet
* Back to bed, hoping to be asleep by 2am courtesy of the melatonin.
* Melatonin works but I'm highly irritated by Shaun's snoring/breathing/rolling about at 2.30am, so scrabble round for earplugs
* See clock tick over 3.30am
* Sleep shortly afterwards until 7am.
So, yeah, I've been trying to pick up teeny little spelling mistakes and grammatical errors on travel and business stories (on superannuation - hey, that oughta cure my insomnia) on THREE AND A HALF HOURS sleep.
Nuts.
TONIGHT however IS going to be different.
Oh yes, I've had enough of this.
I went and had acupuncture at lunchtime today - one of the benefits of working in Chinatown. I see this 'Dr' called Lisa who has a 'clinic' up a flight of rickety stairs above a Subway and next to a tattooist. The Monorail passes about one metre from the window of this place. You could call it no frills.
But she's good.
Damn good.
Tonight, mineral salts, good old-fashioned natural exhaustion and the acupuncture.
It's got to be a winner!
Oh and I promise not to post any more about my sleep deprivation ... because it's probably putting everyone else to sleep.
* Watched some comedy on TV with lights dimmed to signal to body that it's night.
* Crunched a couple of Scheussler mineral salts for insomnia that the lovely Kim suggested I try. Kim, I do think they helped a great deal, I certainly felt tired before going to bed...
* Took two Valerian tablets
* Felt drowsy at about 10pm so started a 'sleep journal'. I sat in bed and wrote down my anxieties in a notebook then wrote a quick summary of all the positive things in my life. I found this to be a good experience and I turned the light off feeling good about sleeping.
* Talked with Shaun a while.
* Waiting to sleep
* Waiting
* Waiting
* 12.30 listen to meditation on my MP3. Nice, but nothing doing.
* 1am - do as Kim suggested and get up and watch 1/2hr of a DVD
* Become overwhelmed with frustration and take a melatonin tablet
* Back to bed, hoping to be asleep by 2am courtesy of the melatonin.
* Melatonin works but I'm highly irritated by Shaun's snoring/breathing/rolling about at 2.30am, so scrabble round for earplugs
* See clock tick over 3.30am
* Sleep shortly afterwards until 7am.
So, yeah, I've been trying to pick up teeny little spelling mistakes and grammatical errors on travel and business stories (on superannuation - hey, that oughta cure my insomnia) on THREE AND A HALF HOURS sleep.
Nuts.
TONIGHT however IS going to be different.
Oh yes, I've had enough of this.
I went and had acupuncture at lunchtime today - one of the benefits of working in Chinatown. I see this 'Dr' called Lisa who has a 'clinic' up a flight of rickety stairs above a Subway and next to a tattooist. The Monorail passes about one metre from the window of this place. You could call it no frills.
But she's good.
Damn good.
Tonight, mineral salts, good old-fashioned natural exhaustion and the acupuncture.
It's got to be a winner!
Oh and I promise not to post any more about my sleep deprivation ... because it's probably putting everyone else to sleep.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Tired, so tired
There's something about years that end in '8' for me. They are not good. Back in 1998 it was a year of break-ups and emotional turmoil played out far from home. This year has been the most challenging in quite some time, for lots of reasons, but key among them is the fact that I just cannot sleep.
God knows, I try.
Every night I go to bed tired, early and ready to give myself the opportunity to actually have a decent night's sleep.
And almost every night I fail.
This has been going on almost all of this year and, quite frankly, I'm really unsure how to proceed. At what point do you say to a doctor, "give me something"?
When it first started I was waking at 2-3am unable to get back to sleep. Now it's worse, I have trouble getting to sleep initially ... because I'm so anxious about what the night is going to be like.
Now, intellectually I realise this is completely insane. I know it's all self perpetuating, etc, etc.
But can I switch off?
Nope.
First I tried an over-the-counter sleeping tablet from the chemist. Basically an antihistamine. They knock me out alright ... till about 11am the next morning. They work, but the drowsiness is not so great.
Next up, I scaled back to Valerian. This worked for me for a couple of nights. These days I take them as a matter of course, but I usually need something else as well.
A good friend gave me a fantastic melatonin tablet that you can't get in Australia. These are excellent, they make you sleep without the drowsiness the next day. Thing is, I only have four left!
Then there's the prescription sleeping tablets another friend gave me. The ones that start with V. I am too terrified to take these in case I like them too much.
Exercise used to really zonk me, but this weekend we rode our bikes for 3.5hrs while my parents looked after E. You'd reckon I'd crash out after that. No, 3am it was.
Then last night I decided I would just take the Valerian and try a meditation Shaun's mum uses (it was on our computer). As he was downloading it on my MP3 Shaun said, "As if it's going to help you sleep, it won't work".
Seed planted.
Did it help? Of course not, not after he'd suggested it wouldn't (I was so upset that he'd said that - sleep is a loaded topic for me). The meditation did relax me, but it didn't help me sleep.
What to do? What to do?
I wish I knew. I try to do things by the book, no caffeine after 3pm, I'm eating well, I am trying to still my mind at night.
I suspect that is where I fail - on the 'trying' part. It's like there's an epic battle inside my brain every night. The anxiety and the worries creep in via my subconscious, and my conscious mind is there yelling, "Get out", "Don't think that!", "You CAN'T think that you're trying to sleep!"
And so it goes on.
I am a person who NEEDS sleep, who is usually a great sleeper.
Yes, I must remember that: I am usually a good sleeper.
I will break this cycle.
I will sleep again!!
God knows, I try.
Every night I go to bed tired, early and ready to give myself the opportunity to actually have a decent night's sleep.
And almost every night I fail.
This has been going on almost all of this year and, quite frankly, I'm really unsure how to proceed. At what point do you say to a doctor, "give me something"?
When it first started I was waking at 2-3am unable to get back to sleep. Now it's worse, I have trouble getting to sleep initially ... because I'm so anxious about what the night is going to be like.
Now, intellectually I realise this is completely insane. I know it's all self perpetuating, etc, etc.
But can I switch off?
Nope.
First I tried an over-the-counter sleeping tablet from the chemist. Basically an antihistamine. They knock me out alright ... till about 11am the next morning. They work, but the drowsiness is not so great.
Next up, I scaled back to Valerian. This worked for me for a couple of nights. These days I take them as a matter of course, but I usually need something else as well.
A good friend gave me a fantastic melatonin tablet that you can't get in Australia. These are excellent, they make you sleep without the drowsiness the next day. Thing is, I only have four left!
Then there's the prescription sleeping tablets another friend gave me. The ones that start with V. I am too terrified to take these in case I like them too much.
Exercise used to really zonk me, but this weekend we rode our bikes for 3.5hrs while my parents looked after E. You'd reckon I'd crash out after that. No, 3am it was.
Then last night I decided I would just take the Valerian and try a meditation Shaun's mum uses (it was on our computer). As he was downloading it on my MP3 Shaun said, "As if it's going to help you sleep, it won't work".
Seed planted.
Did it help? Of course not, not after he'd suggested it wouldn't (I was so upset that he'd said that - sleep is a loaded topic for me). The meditation did relax me, but it didn't help me sleep.
What to do? What to do?
I wish I knew. I try to do things by the book, no caffeine after 3pm, I'm eating well, I am trying to still my mind at night.
I suspect that is where I fail - on the 'trying' part. It's like there's an epic battle inside my brain every night. The anxiety and the worries creep in via my subconscious, and my conscious mind is there yelling, "Get out", "Don't think that!", "You CAN'T think that you're trying to sleep!"
And so it goes on.
I am a person who NEEDS sleep, who is usually a great sleeper.
Yes, I must remember that: I am usually a good sleeper.
I will break this cycle.
I will sleep again!!
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